dressing up

and stopping trying to squeeze into things

welcome to Artful Movement by Bridget Luff - exploring embodiment, art, somatics and storytelling. My weekly letters have slowed down for a spell. NB Paying subscriptions are currently paused to give me a bit of breathing space as I reconfigure my schedule, but I’ll try keep writing as and when the muse takes me…

It has take me a while to write this letter. Life has been full with transitions and tending to my home and little cub. And in the midst of domesticity I have committed to go to a big press night event in London which feels like it is stepping a lot of my current comfort zone of layers of wool, leggings and joggers.

And then whilst scouring Vinted I realised that this journey of trying to get myself back ‘out there’ is exactly what I should be writing about. This process of dressing up, of embracing how I look now as opposed to the last time I squeezed into a pair of high heels (6 years ago, pre baby, pre-forty, pre-pandemic, in another world it feels like) when I was much thinner, had less grey hair, less tired eyes. And coming to a place where I don’t need to dress in a sack or dye my hair or get botox or whatever else, in fact I can still dress up and feel good as I am and how liberating that is.

vintage shop, source: Onur Bahçıvancılar, Unsplash

Now I know that I usually talk about movement (e.g. yoga, Pilates) and occasionally art and theatre, but really clothes are and can be all of those things. I believe that fashion and style can be an art form. Some clothes are so incredibly beautifully and lovingly made (and sadly, some are not at all). For a brief time I worked as set designer and assistant and loved picking out clothes for people, scouring vintage stores in London and finding the perfect costume for a scene. I remember how designer I worked for taught me how to lovingly touch and handle beautiful items, to show them the respect they deserved.

And then of course what we wear greatly impacts how we move and feel in our bodies. Finding the right fit of clothes impacts posture, digestion, breath etc. And then striking a balance between what looks good and what feels good is a fine fine art indeed.

A few years ago I had the great pleasure in getting to know and work with Kerry Wilde, Soul Stylist, and she gave me so much wisdom and appreciation for how to approach choosing clothes, how to seek what feels good not just for giving us a dopamine hit, but to find items that are already in our closet or someone else’s. That when we find those goldilocks pieces, that work together, we can feel better in ourselves and our environment.

My advice to anyone looking to define their personal style, would be to slow down. Pause from buying and get clear on the pieces you already own. Begin to look within and remember those items that create meaning for you. If you can’t find any then look outside your collection. - Kerry Wilde

I’ve found it hard as a scruffy often stay-at-home mum to scrub up and leave the house and go out to things beyond my little bubble but I believe it so so important that we do. That we mingle with different people in different places is I think hugely essential for the world, to not just be thinking in the same ways and seeing the same things.

Dressing up is also part of that…discovering different versions of ourselves and our identities is essential in finding common ground with others. Dressing up invites us to feel into other ways of being and seeing.

dressing up as a polar bear circa 2008

And those who know me well know that I actually REALLY love to dress up. I have always done so since I was a young girl where I would spend weeks planning birthday party looks and giving elaborate instructions to my bemused mother on my hair-dos.

But the last few years of motherhood, lock-down, moving out of London, I’ve found myself mostly wearing baggy trousers and scruffy old jumpers. And I know it sounds perhaps very trivial in the light of so many things. But here’s what I’ve gathered through this process of scruffy mum to red-carpet-ready:

I have been hiding. Hiding that part of me, that I call my inner diva, who loves an audience. And I have been judging that desire to dress up. Maybe some hangup from religious/other background but a part of me believes that clothes are trivial somehow, that I shouldn’t care about them and I “should” just wear sack-like garments. But through Kerry and others, I have come to understand that clothes are deeply spiritual and magical. The act of weaving is deeply symbolic, and the craft of clothes and how they are created can be sacred and profound. And that our bodies are not something to be ashamed of, rather celebrated, and even adorned.

These days, nothing, for me, is worth squishing my body into. I have been cold and given myself indigestion on dresses and bleeding blisters on my feet in my past but I shall no longer. I now consider what literally feels good on me. Not working from outside in, but more what feels good in my body and on my skin.

Something I’ve started to pay more attention to too is what serves my conscience. Look, I don’t always get this right. But I do feel really good when I buy clothes that are vintage and/or handmade. I think I have managed to do that for this event. It took me longer but I scoured Vinted, vintage shops and got my dress altered to fit my body better.

I realised that I have been scared to stand out. That if I get dressed up I have to fit in with the crowd. But that isn’t always what feels good for me.

the last time I got dressed up! New York 2018

I am learning to dress from soul. Kerry Wilde articulates this so eloquently in her work. She explores how we can really tap into ourselves when we dress and express ourselves from the inside out - rather than from the external gaze.

Cleansing your wardrobe of old clothing and any identities or old stories entangled can benefit your energy and the way you feel. Creating more space for something new to step forward.

I think our relationship with clothing is deeper than we see on the surface and so grabbing a journal and beginning the process of unpacking what’s hidden beneath can be a cathartic way to tap into ‘who you think you are’ and what’s relevant for you now, here, today. Ask yourself ‘when I wear this, is it raising my vibration or lowering my tone’. ‘am I playing into an old me or is this reviving a spark of who I truly am’. - Kerry Wilde

What if we wear what gives us joy? What we can dance and eat and breathe in?

And I’m glad that dressing up is not my entire life, that I get to wear really comfy baggy trousers a lot, but I’m also glad to have fun with colours and clothes and connect with people in this exploration.

Any practice that encourages self-development is a great way of meeting yourself. Self-intimacy can be scary but even staying with your gaze moments longer in the mirror, playing dress-up and laying your clothes out to see what’s in the collection are great ways to begin this dialogue between your inner and outer self. - Kerry Wilde, Soul Stylist

You may not have the time, space or inclination to do the same but I do recommend perhaps just a little review of what you like to wear versus what you feel you should. Perhaps it’s a pair of colourful socks with a suit, or glittery nail polish that makes you smile. What gives you that sparkle of joy and sense of self?

//ON THE MOVE//

Ok so my dears I haven’t had time/space for recording a practice this month but I wanted to invite you also to get dressed up (in a small or big way) and go somewhere a lot or slightly out of your ordinary, or if going out isn’t possible, to even dress up and set the table and treat yourself to something different. Sometimes I don a beret, pop on some French music and have croissants for breakfast when I feel my son and I need a little pick-me-up.

Maybe even Halloween could be an opportunity to break out of your shell? Please share if you do, what you do, what you wear, maybe even a pic. I’d love it.

B x

A FEW LAST BITS:

*Our next live class is Tuesday 19th November for our lunchtime live somatic session - 12 noon UK time - link is here (you can pop it in your calendar already).

*If you would like some support in finding and embodying your soul style, I highly recommend finding and following Kerry Wilde, she’s on Substack, instagram and here’s her website. You can also book a free 15 minute ‘clarity call’ over here to see any ways that she may be able to support you.

*Finally - what about the outfit I hear you cry!! Ok loves, if you must know, I bought a beautiful vintage Dolce and Gabbana dress for a very good price on Vinted (£88). I bought a hand-knitted silk and merino wool black bolero from a maker on Etsy (a great way to find hand-crafted items). The dress I am getting altered by Bespoke Alterations in Jericho, Oxford. Paired with a pair of Esska shoes (also from Vinted) and a Etui bag from the gorgeous vintage shop Ballroom Emporium in east Oxford. Let me know if you think I should include a picture next newsletter?